The Journey Home To Colorado

I have been in Arizona now for a year now and it hasn’t cooled off at all, it’s still 80 degrees here and I need to be in a cooler atmosphere. I have been here for a short time but have come to conclusion if I don’t leave before summer hits I will be stuck until the 120 degree weather is over and I refuse to spend one more summer dying to this extreme.

I told my mom I was going to head back to Colorado the other day and she seemed disappointed, I see all that has changed today though. When I got up this morning I still wasn’t positive this is what I was going to do, ride my bright pink scooter all the way to Colorado, but as the morning progressed it became clear to me it is the best decision.

When that lady in the office started being a nag at mom about the weeds and noticed I was here it stirred up a whole lot of unnecessary bullshit that didn’t need to start causing a lot of people a whole lot of grief. Ever since then all I have been trying to do is put my shit in order and keep track of it all but it never gets done because of the same reason over and over. I will get almost to the end and then somebody will come and tell me I have to go, or before I’m done my things will get moved and I have to start over. I don’t know about you but I don’t like anyone touching my things, people who will touch and move someone else’s things usually have only one thing in mind while they are moving the stuff, to see what you have that they want for themselves.

Going back to Colorado feels like I am going home because my kids are there and it sure will be nice to see them. My son Aaron will be surprised when I call and ask if I can bring him some money right?

I have also decided to start a Youtube channel for promoting products that I have examined and websites I have tried out that I heard of on Finance Girl and whether they work or don’t work. I am going to be recording some parts of my trip and posting the videos, just look under Ms Kiim or Love Fear and Hope. I’m not sure which one to use yet.

I figure all I have right now is time so even if it takes me a month to get there it’s ok because I can take all the time I need for myself and not have to worry about anything else but the things I feel I have to do or the things I just want to do. I will be taking my cat on this journey as well, I have put together a refurbished kids cart to haul what I need to bring on the trip, along with my cat.

 

 

Abusive Men Know What They Do!

I had been seeing a man named David Greetan , nothing serious just spent a little time together here and there. I know that this person is not the most upstand citizen since he has been to prison four times in his life so far and I know it was for fighting, that is what his mother told me anyway. It does fit his personality because he is quite aggressive, mean, and he is a bully.

He had sent me a message on messenger asking if I could buy some food because he got fired from his job, again. He lives with his mother so the days when I would spend the night I have the thought of his mom being in the room with us the whole time. It kind of seems that way even though I know she’s not.

When someone can turn on you in a split second and turn into a rabid dog about to swallow you like a pork chop, you need to know to get away from that individual because you never know what is to come out of that person. Pay attention to everything after you see this because they become very dangerous to even be around and you should be fearing for your life, they really are capable of anything when evil has consumed them to this point.

I have seen men who are abusive sit and watch how happy their partner is, laughing, playing and enjoying simple life, destroy with only a few simple words. It’s usually something that will cut straight to your emotions and you will feel like you just got stabbed in the heart with a knife, like this “you sound so stupid when you laugh” this wears down on your self esteem over time and remember these guys are patient. It’s either that or they will cause a scene and blame you for it, all so you stop enjoying yourself. This gives them your power so ignore them.

The years I have spent in relationships with abuse has taught me many things to look out for and the things people do to gain power over another, I have learned a lot about how these guys operate and how far they will go to get what they want out of you no matter what they have to do to get it.

Knowing someone is struggling would make you think someone will eventually help that person, especially if it’s their partner but not in this world today, it seems everyone is only out for themselves. Instead of helping they prey on you when your down and if you are having a good time they feel the need to rip it apart and leave you guessing as to what just happened. I know I would get exhausted living in the cycle of abuse and in an active relationship with it, it’s impossible to keep up with all the games.

I had just got out of the shower when he turned into the monster calling me names so I had to hurry up and get dressed. I rushed to get all of my things in a bag because I had been working on the computer so my stuff was still laying around. I got out the door when he said we were going to take the bike. So he expected that I would put all my important stuff in the lock box on the bike to get to my house. Not a chance in hell buddy, I said I would walk.

This guy David, I could see in him that there is not much of a person left inside, no empathy for any reason in him and can turn in an instant. I can’t say I didn’t know he would have something seriously wrong with him, from my past experiences with him I guess I should count my blessings that he didn’t put his hands on me. I know now I need , and will stay away from this guy and his mother because all that is is a trap. I put his phone in the same place he crawled out of, the toilet!

I don’t understand how people can just turn their heads to these kinds of things and let them go “un-noticed”. I believe it has made society act if this is normal behavior, normal to abuse and control another human being like a slave, this is not okay! When you look away it’s like you silently are agreeing with it.

Not Same Person, New Person, Person is Same.

It still amazes me how many times I run into people who have invested so many long hours in learning how to tear down another human being.

I was speaking with a person today who I am just getting to know, when some of the things that I was hearing come out of his mouth made an uncomfortable yet familiar feeling come up and I’m not sure what year it is anymore. Suddenly I am having flashbacks to a different time and place and the room is spinning. I am personally familiar with abuse of women, domestic violence, the cycle of abuse, and with the many different ways that are used to tear another person down to gain as much control as possible. Sometimes it’s fast and sometimes these guys will be so patient it takes years.

When you just meet a person, a person who you set your sights on to maybe pursue a relationship with and they become the most dangerous person to you because they are now the closest to you. When you begin to trust a new situation with someone you don’t really know, you will let your guard down in order to prevent bringing all the baggage of your past with you, trying to make a change and pick a different type of person but it seems that you can’t get anyone to treat you in the way a partner treats a partner, respectful and honest. I believe people only treat you how you let them treat you.

There are so many people, men and women too, who agree with how women have been treated throughout history. My mother started a conversation with me about how long women have been prostituting themselves for centuries and how there are many benefits for compliance.I was not having this conversation with her. It has always been an unspoken thing that every woman knows but never dares to go usually.

The evil behind all the masks is the same person underneath the mask of many faces. The evil part of the spiritual world consumes everything without caring about anything but feeding the need it has to consume it all. Abusive people tend to all have the same nice characteristics when you first meet them, they will go out of their way to be nicer than everyone else just so they can be the closest to you. They become your savior at some point and they are now your best and only friend. This is all for the purpose of tearing you down and stealing all of your things you need to put yourself together for your everyday life. This gives the other person control over you little by little and sometimes it takes many years and lot’s of patience but they really don’t have anything better to do.

Many years of losing parts of my life has left me with next to nothing, it seemed to be easier to walk away from things rather than try to hold on to the material belongings that are used to get you to come back, it’s like bait and trap because once they have you back it only goes downhill from that point. The cycle makes me sick to my stomach and if this world does not make a drastic change and start thinking about the greater good of the human race and help where possible, I fear there will be nothing left to save.

The feeling from it never changes so even though you have tried different relationships with different people, it is the same person….evil took over but they let it.

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Love Fear and Hope

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Send an Email to mskiim3@gmail.com

Helping Children of Domestic Violence Victims Become Survivors

Love Fear And Hope

                            12/10/2021

Introduction

Domestic violence seems to have developed a “general” meaning that most people would rather not pay any attention to what it consists of. It’s more than a man hitting his wife, this has taken on a whole new demon these days and the evil it has attached to it. The cycle of Power and Control and the person’s need to take over another’s life, no matter the cost to the victim, is insanity. If you have never lived with an abuser you have no idea of the chaotic mess they actually make of everything in your life and the things they will do to get what they want. Textbook says nothing about how “gaslighting” is a real thing that really does make you crazy after a while because all you want to do is kill your abuser, they push you to do it while making it look like your the crazy one when it’s not the way it seems at all but you have no way to prove it. People from the outside looking in see that you are the one who is out of control and that’s when the abusive person will interject a comment like “she’s been drinking too much” or tell them your addicted to drugs when in fact they didn’t see the last 30 minutes when he had you trapped in the bathroom antagonizing you and laughing because you don’t have enough strength to move the 260 pound man out of your way so you have no chance of getting away. After getting you all worked up he calmly says to you,” look at you, your fucking crazy” 

This is an attack on the emotions and feelings that we inherently have been given by God, it’s almost the same as knowing the difference between right and wrong, automatic response. Now think about this, these women that go through abuse many years of their life and their children see all of it. What do you think this does to a child who has to sit and watch because they are too small to do anything? The psychological aspects tied in make it possible that this kid will grow up to be an abusive person in his or her future, or it could go the other way too, where the kid becomes somebody who tries to help everyone and suffers because people take advantage of someone trying to be nice. I know from personal experience that the feeling of security never exists, I believe it comes from a couple different places but that’s to be worked out in therapy. 

These children are suffering having to be subject to an abusive person in the home and Child Protective Services doesn’t help at all, if you can get their attention at all about the real story behind the black eye mom has, or pay attention to a child when mentioning sex of any kind. Nobody pays attention to the child in the room when domestic violence is brought up mainly because the woman is the one needing to be listened to and believed in order to get the resources necessary to help her and her child get to safety. The child is the main focus when it comes to the reason to get away from the abuse, you have to protect your children.

I have also seen where Child Protective Services come and take the child or she has to turn the child over to the abuser because now she is unstable and can’t provide stable housing for her and her child. This is another personal experience of mine where he manipulated the court saying I was drinking and sleeping on other people’s couches with my son Aaron, all of it was a lie because I had my own place after staying at Tessa, the Domestic Violence Safe House in Colorado Springs but they believed him and left me with no choice. It was either that or go to jail for disobeying a court order and I was not going to set myself in jail where it’s impossible to do any movement forward. After many years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse it is extremely hard to know what to do or where to start because I know my thought process was messed up and it took a lot of therapy to get even some of it sorted out enough to move off the floor some days.

It’s disturbing to know that half of the kids that see abuse will grow up to be abusive to others because it’s what they see every day while they grow up and it could become learned behavior. The girls may grow up to think that a normal relationship consists of name calling or regular beatings to keep her in line and sadly this is not that far fetched and does happen.

Child Victims of domestic violence grow up never knowing what it feels like to completely trust in anyone, never knowing what security feels like and will have problems in the future with anxiety because of the inability to relax because you bever know if you’re safe. Many of these kids suffer at school and don’t get the education necessary to become part of the working society so they become gang members or turn to drugs and alcohol, the girls may become prostitutes or disappear in the sex trafficking network if they have no self value. I have seen this too.

There needs to be more resources put in place for these women with their children, right now there are little to none for anyone seeking help away from the cycle of Power and Control. It appears as if there are many community resources for battered women but I have found out none really do anything to help and are usually forced to go back to the abuser. This again makes it look as if it’s the woman’s fault for always going back, it’s a no win situation and you do your best not to give up.

As a person who advocates for women and children because of my own personal experiences, let me say this………

  1. If you see anyone being abusive to another person, first look to see if there is a child in close proximity watching what’s going on and get them away if you can before you try to help the situation. 
  2. Always try to help anyone who says they need help getting away for whatever reason if you know she has kids. 
  3. Never doubt a child who says they are being abused.
  4. Raise awareness to help the families to heal.
  5. If you see something, say something! Don’t ever just walk away.

If you support this issue, you can help me make a difference by making a donation to my charity. The money goes into buying arts and crafts for the kids and support for therapy.

                                                  Love Fear and Hope

                 Helping Child Victims of Domestic Violence Become Survivors

                                                         BE WELL!

https://www.facebook.com/LoveFearHope

https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page- 100882912297180/https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page-100882912297180/

Love Fear and Hope Groups on Facebook

Helping Children of Domestic Violence Victims Become Survivors

Love Fear And Hope

                            12/10/2021

Introduction

Domestic violence seems to have developed a “general” meaning that most people would rather not pay any attention to what it consists of. It’s more than a man hitting his wife, this has taken on a whole new demon these days and the evil it has attached to it. The cycle of Power and Control and the person’s need to take over another’s life, no matter the cost to the victim, is insanity. If you have never lived with an abuser you have no idea of the chaotic mess they actually make of everything in your life and the things they will do to get what they want. Textbook says nothing about how “gaslighting” is a real thing that really does make you crazy after a while because all you want to do is kill your abuser, they push you to do it while making it look like your the crazy one when it’s not the way it seems at all but you have no way to prove it. People from the outside looking in see that you are the one who is out of control and that’s when the abusive person will interject a comment like “she’s been drinking too much” or tell them your addicted to drugs when in fact they didn’t see the last 30 minutes when he had you trapped in the bathroom antagonizing you and laughing because you don’t have enough strength to move the 260 pound man out of your way so you have no chance of getting away. After getting you all worked up he calmly says to you,” look at you, your fucking crazy” 

This is an attack on the emotions and feelings that we inherently have been given by God, it’s almost the same as knowing the difference between right and wrong, automatic response. Now think about this, these women that go through abuse many years of their life and their children see all of it. What do you think this does to a child who has to sit and watch because they are too small to do anything? The psychological aspects tied in make it possible that this kid will grow up to be an abusive person in his or her future, or it could go the other way too, where the kid becomes somebody who tries to help everyone and suffers because people take advantage of someone trying to be nice. I know from personal experience that the feeling of security never exists, I believe it comes from a couple different places but that’s to be worked out in therapy. 

These children are suffering having to be subject to an abusive person in the home and Child Protective Services doesn’t help at all, if you can get their attention at all about the real story behind the black eye mom has, or pay attention to a child when mentioning sex of any kind. Nobody pays attention to the child in the room when domestic violence is brought up mainly because the woman is the one needing to be listened to and believed in order to get the resources necessary to help her and her child get to safety. The child is the main focus when it comes to the reason to get away from the abuse, you have to protect your children.

I have also seen where Child Protective Services come and take the child or she has to turn the child over to the abuser because now she is unstable and can’t provide stable housing for her and her child. This is another personal experience of mine where he manipulated the court saying I was drinking and sleeping on other people’s couches with my son Aaron, all of it was a lie because I had my own place after staying at Tessa, the Domestic Violence Safe House in Colorado Springs but they believed him and left me with no choice. It was either that or go to jail for disobeying a court order and I was not going to set myself in jail where it’s impossible to do any movement forward. After many years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse it is extremely hard to know what to do or where to start because I know my thought process was messed up and it took a lot of therapy to get even some of it sorted out enough to move off the floor some days.

It’s disturbing to know that half of the kids that see abuse will grow up to be abusive to others because it’s what they see every day while they grow up and it could become learned behavior. The girls may grow up to think that a normal relationship consists of name calling or regular beatings to keep her in line and sadly this is not that far fetched and does happen.

Child Victims of domestic violence grow up never knowing what it feels like to completely trust in anyone, never knowing what security feels like and will have problems in the future with anxiety because of the inability to relax because you bever know if you’re safe. Many of these kids suffer at school and don’t get the education necessary to become part of the working society so they become gang members or turn to drugs and alcohol, the girls may become prostitutes or disappear in the sex trafficking network if they have no self value. I have seen this too.

There needs to be more resources put in place for these women with their children, right now there are little to none for anyone seeking help away from the cycle of Power and Control. It appears as if there are many community resources for battered women but I have found out none really do anything to help and are usually forced to go back to the abuser. This again makes it look as if it’s the woman’s fault for always going back, it’s a no win situation and you do your best not to give up.

As a person who advocates for women and children because of my own personal experiences, let me say this………

  1. If you see anyone being abusive to another person, first look to see if there is a child in close proximity watching what’s going on and get them away if you can before you try to help the situation. 
  2. Always try to help anyone who says they need help getting away for whatever reason if you know she has kids. 
  3. Never doubt a child who says they are being abused.
  4. Raise awareness to help the families to heal.
  5. If you see something, say something! Don’t ever just walk away.

If you support this issue, you can help me make a difference by making a donation to my charity. The money goes into buying arts and crafts for the kids and support for therapy.

                                                  Love Fear and Hope

                 Helping Child Victims of Domestic Violence Become Survivors

                                                         BE WELL!

https://www.facebook.com/LoveFearHope

https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page- 100882912297180/https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page-100882912297180/

Love Fear and Hope Groups on Facebook

Christmas Day 2021

It’s 8:30 am Christmas Day and I am just now waking up, alone. Last year at Christmas I spent it in the hospital recovering from being burned alive, it was the most horrifying experience of my life and thanks to God I made it through. Nobody seems to remember how it was for me last year, either that or they are just to consumed with other things and they just don’t care. It’s been a year now since that incident but it still is very fresh in my mind, my body is mostly healed but the mental and emotional parts still scream for repair.

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time with your family, watching your kids unwrap the presents “Santa” left under the tree as your so tired from staying up to get everything wrapped. I loved cooking the holiday meal and hearing the sounds of laughter from the children playing with their new toys and running through the house. I remember when the holidays were good and I wish to keep those memories instead of the bad ones but here it is another Christmas and I am depressed and don’t even want to get out of bed. I miss my children and hearing the excitement in them because “Santa” left them all kinds of new toys.

This is where I hold animosity toward my ex, he swore to destroy me if I ever left him and he has done a good job doing just that. I blame myself for not knowing how to fight back and win against all he has taken from me. I know it sounds like I need to get off the pity pot so that’s exactly what I am going to do, it’s not about making yourself happy today, it’s about what you can do for someone else to make them happy. It’s about giving, having joy to give another person who may just be struggling more than me.

When life seems to be the hardest because of the past experiences is when you should remember the good times, at least long enough to get up and drag your butt through the shower. I still struggle most of the time knowing how to function but I understand what has caused it and work on getting better, being happy, and spreading joy to those less fortunate. No matter how I feel, I know somebody has it worse off than I do right now so I will focus on that instead and go make my mom happy for today. She deserves to have a good Christmas and since I am the only family she has around her it’s my job to do that for her because if I don’t I will spend another Christmas being miserable and so will she. This is not an option, mom has a hard time with these days too so I will go spread some joy and cheer for her if nothing else.

Always find something that will pull out of that rut you feel yourself in, find even something small to give you peace long enough to get up and clean up, after that it should be smooth sailing. Self care is important to your emotional health because your worth it.

BE WELL!

Helping Children of Domestic Violence Victims Become Survivors

Love Fear And Hope

                            12/10/2021

Introduction

Domestic violence seems to have developed a “general” meaning that most people would rather not pay any attention to what it consists of. It’s more than a man hitting his wife, this has taken on a whole new demon these days and the evil it has attached to it. The cycle of Power and Control and the person’s need to take over another’s life, no matter the cost to the victim, is insanity. If you have never lived with an abuser you have no idea of the chaotic mess they actually make of everything in your life and the things they will do to get what they want. Textbook says nothing about how “gaslighting” is a real thing that really does make you crazy after a while because all you want to do is kill your abuser, they push you to do it while making it look like your the crazy one when it’s not the way it seems at all but you have no way to prove it. People from the outside looking in see that you are the one who is out of control and that’s when the abusive person will interject a comment like “she’s been drinking too much” or tell them your addicted to drugs when in fact they didn’t see the last 30 minutes when he had you trapped in the bathroom antagonizing you and laughing because you don’t have enough strength to move the 260 pound man out of your way so you have no chance of getting away. After getting you all worked up he calmly says to you,” look at you, your fucking crazy” 

This is an attack on the emotions and feelings that we inherently have been given by God, it’s almost the same as knowing the difference between right and wrong, automatic response. Now think about this, these women that go through abuse many years of their life and their children see all of it. What do you think this does to a child who has to sit and watch because they are too small to do anything? The psychological aspects tied in make it possible that this kid will grow up to be an abusive person in his or her future, or it could go the other way too, where the kid becomes somebody who tries to help everyone and suffers because people take advantage of someone trying to be nice. I know from personal experience that the feeling of security never exists, I believe it comes from a couple different places but that’s to be worked out in therapy. 

These children are suffering having to be subject to an abusive person in the home and Child Protective Services doesn’t help at all, if you can get their attention at all about the real story behind the black eye mom has, or pay attention to a child when mentioning sex of any kind. Nobody pays attention to the child in the room when domestic violence is brought up mainly because the woman is the one needing to be listened to and believed in order to get the resources necessary to help her and her child get to safety. The child is the main focus when it comes to the reason to get away from the abuse, you have to protect your children.

I have also seen where Child Protective Services come and take the child or she has to turn the child over to the abuser because now she is unstable and can’t provide stable housing for her and her child. This is another personal experience of mine where he manipulated the court saying I was drinking and sleeping on other people’s couches with my son Aaron, all of it was a lie because I had my own place after staying at Tessa, the Domestic Violence Safe House in Colorado Springs but they believed him and left me with no choice. It was either that or go to jail for disobeying a court order and I was not going to set myself in jail where it’s impossible to do any movement forward. After many years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse it is extremely hard to know what to do or where to start because I know my thought process was messed up and it took a lot of therapy to get even some of it sorted out enough to move off the floor some days.

It’s disturbing to know that half of the kids that see abuse will grow up to be abusive to others because it’s what they see every day while they grow up and it could become learned behavior. The girls may grow up to think that a normal relationship consists of name calling or regular beatings to keep her in line and sadly this is not that far fetched and does happen.

Child Victims of domestic violence grow up never knowing what it feels like to completely trust in anyone, never knowing what security feels like and will have problems in the future with anxiety because of the inability to relax because you bever know if you’re safe. Many of these kids suffer at school and don’t get the education necessary to become part of the working society so they become gang members or turn to drugs and alcohol, the girls may become prostitutes or disappear in the sex trafficking network if they have no self value. I have seen this too.

There needs to be more resources put in place for these women with their children, right now there are little to none for anyone seeking help away from the cycle of Power and Control. It appears as if there are many community resources for battered women but I have found out none really do anything to help and are usually forced to go back to the abuser. This again makes it look as if it’s the woman’s fault for always going back, it’s a no win situation and you do your best not to give up.

As a person who advocates for women and children because of my own personal experiences, let me say this………

  1. If you see anyone being abusive to another person, first look to see if there is a child in close proximity watching what’s going on and get them away if you can before you try to help the situation. 
  2. Always try to help anyone who says they need help getting away for whatever reason if you know she has kids. 
  3. Never doubt a child who says they are being abused.
  4. Raise awareness to help the families to heal.
  5. If you see something, say something! Don’t ever just walk away.

If you support this issue, you can help me make a difference by making a donation to my charity. The money goes into buying arts and crafts for the kids and support for therapy.

                                                  Love Fear and Hope

                 Helping Child Victims of Domestic Violence Become Survivors

                                                         BE WELL!

https://www.facebook.com/LoveFearHope

https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page- 100882912297180/https://www.facebook.com/Kims-Blog-Page-100882912297180/

Love Fear and Hope Groups on Facebook

CLICKSGenie.com

This website I found on Youtube by watching videos on “How to Make Money Online” , “Money Flow Academy”, and my favorite is “Finance Girl”. All of these websites tell you about different ways to make easy money online and tell you how. I was curious so I did some investigating of my own because I needed to make some money somehow and with my new mental health issues I still really don’t want to go out in public yet. So here’s what I found out about what works and what doesn’t, some tricks are needed to navigate some of this stuff but you should remember is this, there is no such thing as fast easy money online.

For each website there is a sign up process and verification of email address, no problem. After a while it becomes a headache to remember which sites you signed up for because there are so many to test before you can figure out which ones actually work. All the time and effort that I put in testing out the different websites has not paid off yet even though they say they pay straight to your paypal the money never shows up in your account.

Today I am testing one called Clicksgenie.

https://clicksgenie.com/register.aspx?u=979626

The link above is the link you need to sign up for your own account and see how much money you can make using it. I just opened an account today so I don’t know exactly how it works but I’m guessing that it works like all affiliate programs do.