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Can I Have A Better Family Please!

I was hesitant about coming out here to Arizona in the first place but I had really no choice after the fire happened and I was released from the hospital. The family I have living here is my mom and older sister, my mother said I could stay with her to heal and put myself back together. I needed to go somewhere because I was still in bad shape at this point. I had just spent a month in the ICU Burn Unit at University Hospital in Colorado learning how to walk, use my hands, and go to the bathroom all over again. The fire took out 20% of my flesh head to toe. plus my hair.

The first Red Flag that told me my mom and older sister really don’t care anything for me and it only goes as far as obligation was when I was having a conversation with my sister Patty one day and I had mentioned “my room” when she snapped at me and said ‘it’s not your room!’ I obviously know that because it’s in mom’s house and this is temporary goes without saying right? There was no need for that, this is when I noticed the psychological abuse from them and this could be the reason for my life being the way it is.

I’m not sure how long I had been here when I no longer had to wrap my hands, My entire right side is one big skin graft and it took a lot of care and time to get it to heal so it will look almost normal again. The hospital told me it would take at least a year to fully heal from all of it.

I had been at her house for six months and in this time I signed up for school to earn a degree in Business Management. Federal Aid has conditions every student must meet to be eligible for grants and remain eligible. Becoming a full-time student is hard at 51 but I needed a new direction, a better direction and I was determined to get it, as I still am, but every time I am about to push through a big hurdle that has stopped me in the past or I am about to get money my mom will push me to the streets creating one dramatic scene after another making herself a victim that needs help because of me and if that isn’t enough she wants me to take all of my stuff with me too because she can’t keep it at her house.

Every day I am struggling as anyone would coming back from what I went through, but to get no help from my family is so hard when you have fear of everyone and everything. When my family will make me look like a low life to make themself look better instead of giving me the little help I ask for because it’s what I need, is appalling to me and disrespectful. I am absolutely sure they have done these things to me all of my life but I used to drink all the time so I was not seeing any of this before now.

They make me look so bad someone even called adult services How do I function with no help yet my mom will smoke all my smokes and that costs money, I can just get money to pay for my cigarette habit. I had a five-piece outdoor furniture set that I painted pink I was selling to get some income and she gave it to a friend of hers for a good gesture because this lady made it possible for her to buy the house she is in and she can’t even watch my dog so I can pack up my shit to get out of here. It is scattered around in a couple different locations that if I am caught on premises I will go to jail yet she doesn’t care nor will help without some sort of monetary gain. She has a near hissy when I have to sit down on the computer to do my work but if I don’t I don’t get paid. DUMB BITCH!

Why? I need some relief and cry, I don’t know what to do, I can’t even trust my family and I have nobody. I will fight through this too and be ok somehow.

Child Victims of Abuse

While the horrors of abuse are apparent in primary victims—children who witness the abuse of their mothers, fathers, or other family members, are impacted throughout their lives.

This article will look into the lasting psychological and physical effects of a child’s exposure to domestic violence. To reduce the risk of these effects, it is also important to highlight ways that children can be protected from harm’s way, Silent victims, like children, are almost always considered but overlooked.

Table of Contents  

For victims of domestic violence—the physical attacks, emotional maltreatment, and other abuse endured are certain to take a toll on well-being.  

However, while the horrors of abuse are apparent in primary victims—children who witness the abuse of their mothers, fathers, or other family members, are impacted.

This article will look into the lasting psychological and physical effects of a child’s exposure to domestic violence. To reduce the risk of these effects, it is also important to highlight ways that children can be protected from harm’s way.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.


How Witnessing Domestic Violence Affects Children

As an all-too-common occurrence across the country, domestic violence is an uncomfortable feature of many American homes. An estimated 10 million people are affected by incidents of domestic abuse annually, a number that widens when silent victims, like children, are considered.

The effects of domestic abuse on children may be apparent within a short period of time, while other damages may be noticed in the long run. Some of the immediate effects that children experience after witnessing domestic violence are discussed below.

Anxiety

Children are likely to remain on edge if they are always surrounded by the abuse of one parent by the other. These children will live in bated breath for the next time physical or verbal assault might take place in their home. This can breed state of perpetual anxiety.

For pre-schoolers who witness this, it isn’t uncommon to revert to the habits of younger children. Thumb sucking, bedwetting, increased crying, and whining may result from observing abuse.

School-aged children can develop anti-social traits and may struggle with guilt over the abuse witnessed. These children typically take on the blame for the abuse their parent deals with, a belief that can strongly bruise their self-esteem.


Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

One of the most devastating effects of domestic violence is its ability to cause post-traumatic stress disorder in children that are raised around it.

Despite being spared from physical abuse, the trauma of domestic violence is enough to cause dangerous changes in the developing brains of children. These changes may cause nightmareschanges in sleep patterns, anger, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and children may sometimes have the ability to re-enact aspects of the traumatizing abuse observed.

Physical Challenges

Mental health strains are a common result of witnessing the abuse of a parent. However, these consequences may sometimes be apparent in their physical well-being.

School-aged children may report headaches and stomach pains which are traceable to the tense situation back home. In infants, there is a higher risk of experiencing physical injury following the constant stream of abuse on a parent.4

Aggressive Behavior

When teenagers witness domestic abuse, they tend to act out in reaction to the situation . They may fight, skip school, engage in risky sexual activities, or dabble in drugs and alcohol. These teenagers are also very likely to get in trouble with the law.4

Physical Abuse

In many instances, children that live in abusive households are also likely to fall victim to this treatment themselves.


An abusive partner can very easily become an abusive parent or guardian—physically, verbally, and emotionally harming their children.


Long-Term Consequences of Witnessing Domestic Violence

As helpful as distance might be, simply moving away from domestic violence isn’t enough to undo the damage caused by witnessing it.

Children that grew up watching a parent experience abuse are likely to deal with effects that last well into adulthood. Some of the long-term effects that children experience after witnessing domestic violence are addressed below.

Depression

The anxious child raised in a toxic, abusive environment may grow to become a depressed adult. The trauma of routinely witnessing domestic violence places children at a high risk of developing depression, sadness, concentration issues, and other symptoms of depression into adulthood.

Health Problems

A poor diet or environmental risks may not always be the primary causes of conditions like heart disease, obesity, and diabetes in adulthood.

some cases, these illnesses have direct links to the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse a child witnesses or is subjected to.6

Repeating Abusive Patterns

While abusive behavior can be repetitive, it’s important to note that abuse does not always occur in a cyclical pattern. In fact, assuming that violence occurs in cycles can lead to victim-blaming. Abuse can be unpredictable and is it never OK.

Feeling the pain and anguish of witnessing violence doesn’t always guarantee that children will toe a different path. In some cases, early exposure to abuse simply sets the stage for children to walk that same line in adulthood.

In these cases, male children might physically abuse their partners after watching their fathers do the same. Likewise, women from homes that witness domestic violence are more likely to be sexually assaulted by their partners in adulthood.7


Protecting Children from Domestic Abuse

Knowing that domestic violence can have lasting effects on the physical, mental, and later life of children—it’s important to properly shield them from abuse. The following are ways to protect a child from domestic abuse.

Make Safety a Priority

One of the best ways to protect the interest and well-being of a child is for victims to receive the necessary support they need to leave the abusive environment.

By doing this, children are spared further exposure to violence and are given a chance to grow up within healthier structures.  

Teach Children Healthy Relationship Dynamics

With a skewed view about romantic dynamics, talking to children about healthier interactions between partners can help to manage the damage caused after witnessing domestic violence.

Children should be taught healthy ways to resolve disputes in friendships. It’s important that they learn wholesome ways that partners can relate with each other, taking care to share why violence has no place in relationships.

Educating Children About Boundaries

An effective way to manage the damage, and prevent a cycle of domestic violence is to teach children healthy boundaries.

Teaching children about autonomy (that no one has a right to touch their bodies or vice-versa) is a step in the right direction. Children should also be taught to always tell a trusted adult if another person is making them uncomfortable in any way


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If you want to know other ways to make money online keep coming back here to see what new one I found for you and I will keep new content coming.

A Partner?

I have wished for a long time to find a partner I would be able to trust, to know there is a person who would protect me before anything else like I would but when it comes down to it, who do you trust better with your life than yourself? I have never been married and I will be 51 on the 19. My expectations are not complicated, simple things bring me joy so what makes it so difficult to have a relationship? Being tied to the past sucks when it comes to domestic violence because I always have so much baggage that I don’t remember was mine to begin with. It’s not the same when you’re forced to carry shit you never wanted in the first place. Nobody starts out saying, down the road I’m going to punch you in front of the kids and make them think it was your fault after you cook me dinner. It doesn’t start off with, I can’t wait to start disrespecting you and still expect you to have sex with me because it’s your duty. When someone is always looking out for signs of an abuser they don’t get to just relax and enjoy being together. It gets pretty lonely, I manage to keep myself busy but it would be nice to have someone to love and have someone really love back without any complications, I have patience now and it’s hard to keep my head up sometimes and I find myself staring at the floor unable to move for hours until the shock wears off. I have had to learn coping skills for many different aspects of life so I don’t spontaneously combust one day, I do feel like it could happen.
Being alone is one of the hardest things for me but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me I guess. I have isolated myself for many years because I don’t like people around me or able to look at me, it doesn’t matter if I know who they are or not, I know I trust one person, me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all men are worthless, or saying all men are abusers because I don’t believe that to be true. I guess the question is why does the man protect his brother before his wife? What makes it ok for your wife to service your brothers? That’s my choice and I don’t play the numbers game. When I make a decision to be with someone that means I don’t want anyone else touching me.
My heart still lives on my sleeve and I love deeply, and will protect what is mine to the death if necessary but why make someone a priority in your life when they don’t even consider you an option?

just me

Characteristics

I know I haven’t been like this my whole life, I used to be able to go out in public, I used to work at different bars and noise never bothered me like it does now. People too, I hate when people can see me when I am trying to isolate. It get’s annoying when they know your having issues with something they are doing yet they just keep doing the same thing to piss you off.

My mother for example will tell everybody where I am and what I’m doing whenever anyone asks. No matter how many times I ask her to not talk about me to people she does anyway. I have actually caught her doing some screwed up things to me intentionally, things I had no idea triggered some not so favorable responses. Since the fire i’ve been struggling with PTSD and some other issues, I have caught her doing little things to trigger my anxiety, like pounding on the table and will yell for no reason.

One time I was sitting getting her stoned and we had a ok conversation, I was calm because I was getting stoned, but when I grabbed my things off the table and started walking to my room she started slamming her lighter on the table. It was strange watching this happen, she was yelling at me asking why I was coming at her like I was and I had no idea how to react because I had no idea where this was coming from or what just happened that I missed? By this time everyone outside could hear that she was yelling but I had no recourse at the moment. I didn’t get it at first but then I realized I had just been sitting calmly with her so I had no idea what the hell she was doing this for.

Another time my sister had come to my mom’s house in Apache Junction to take me to get baptized in her church in Yuma. My sister had said to me that when I had to leave mom’s or got her place in order I could come stay with her for a little while. So I said thank you and left it at that. It was a good weekend but some things were also strange. When we were at the bar where they were holding a funeral she said to me everyone knew what was going on, what did she mean by that? I had noticed she was playing musical chairs with the people around me every time I got up to go to the bar or to the bathroom.

My point is, when anyone around you acts in a certain way, it  triggers a response from you in one way or another, this is called automatic response. If someone is acting like they are mad your automatic response may be to move away because this person is aggressive, it’s what you do automatically from someone else’s action, equal but usually opposite.

How a person is raised from childhood and the type of atmosphere the child is exposed to will develop characteristics that will mold into a specific type of person. Kind natured versus Mean spirited, lazy versus compulsive, you get it right? 

Now say for example a person you have known all your life suddenly makes a life altering choice that could go horribly wrong and you know this person would never be so irrational. Last you knew your friend got a new boyfriend and they would argue most of the time so you haven’t seen each other in a little while. 

Abusive partners, (men and women) do this intentionally to isolate you from everyone, especially family so they can gain control and change the way you respond to different things by replaying a recent past event to you in detail verbally to show you how things had transpired in a situation. After a while you start to see and feel things like your partner instead of how you would normally respond.

Keep holding tight to what you believe in and always try to do the next right thing. Help when you can and get help when you can’t. 

 

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