I was hesitant about coming out here to Arizona in the first place but I had really no choice after the fire happened and I was released from the hospital. The family I have living here is my mom and older sister, my mother said I could stay with her to heal and put myself back together. I needed to go somewhere because I was still in bad shape at this point. I had just spent a month in the ICU Burn Unit at University Hospital in Colorado learning how to walk, use my hands, and go to the bathroom all over again. The fire took out 20% of my flesh head to toe. plus my hair.
The first Red Flag that told me my mom and older sister really don’t care anything for me and it only goes as far as obligation was when I was having a conversation with my sister Patty one day and I had mentioned “my room” when she snapped at me and said ‘it’s not your room!’ I obviously know that because it’s in mom’s house and this is temporary goes without saying right? There was no need for that, this is when I noticed the psychological abuse from them and this could be the reason for my life being the way it is.
I’m not sure how long I had been here when I no longer had to wrap my hands, My entire right side is one big skin graft and it took a lot of care and time to get it to heal so it will look almost normal again. The hospital told me it would take at least a year to fully heal from all of it.
I had been at her house for six months and in this time I signed up for school to earn a degree in Business Management. Federal Aid has conditions every student must meet to be eligible for grants and remain eligible. Becoming a full-time student is hard at 51 but I needed a new direction, a better direction and I was determined to get it, as I still am, but every time I am about to push through a big hurdle that has stopped me in the past or I am about to get money my mom will push me to the streets creating one dramatic scene after another making herself a victim that needs help because of me and if that isn’t enough she wants me to take all of my stuff with me too because she can’t keep it at her house.
Every day I am struggling as anyone would coming back from what I went through, but to get no help from my family is so hard when you have fear of everyone and everything. When my family will make me look like a low life to make themself look better instead of giving me the little help I ask for because it’s what I need, is appalling to me and disrespectful. I am absolutely sure they have done these things to me all of my life but I used to drink all the time so I was not seeing any of this before now.
They make me look so bad someone even called adult services How do I function with no help yet my mom will smoke all my smokes and that costs money, I can just get money to pay for my cigarette habit. I had a five-piece outdoor furniture set that I painted pink I was selling to get some income and she gave it to a friend of hers for a good gesture because this lady made it possible for her to buy the house she is in and she can’t even watch my dog so I can pack up my shit to get out of here. It is scattered around in a couple different locations that if I am caught on premises I will go to jail yet she doesn’t care nor will help without some sort of monetary gain. She has a near hissy when I have to sit down on the computer to do my work but if I don’t I don’t get paid. DUMB BITCH!
Why? I need some relief and cry, I don’t know what to do, I can’t even trust my family and I have nobody. I will fight through this too and be ok somehow.