Christmas Day 2021

It’s 8:30 am Christmas Day and I am just now waking up, alone. Last year at Christmas I spent it in the hospital recovering from being burned alive, it was the most horrifying experience of my life and thanks to God I made it through. Nobody seems to remember how it was for me last year, either that or they are just to consumed with other things and they just don’t care. It’s been a year now since that incident but it still is very fresh in my mind, my body is mostly healed but the mental and emotional parts still scream for repair.

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time with your family, watching your kids unwrap the presents “Santa” left under the tree as your so tired from staying up to get everything wrapped. I loved cooking the holiday meal and hearing the sounds of laughter from the children playing with their new toys and running through the house. I remember when the holidays were good and I wish to keep those memories instead of the bad ones but here it is another Christmas and I am depressed and don’t even want to get out of bed. I miss my children and hearing the excitement in them because “Santa” left them all kinds of new toys.

This is where I hold animosity toward my ex, he swore to destroy me if I ever left him and he has done a good job doing just that. I blame myself for not knowing how to fight back and win against all he has taken from me. I know it sounds like I need to get off the pity pot so that’s exactly what I am going to do, it’s not about making yourself happy today, it’s about what you can do for someone else to make them happy. It’s about giving, having joy to give another person who may just be struggling more than me.

When life seems to be the hardest because of the past experiences is when you should remember the good times, at least long enough to get up and drag your butt through the shower. I still struggle most of the time knowing how to function but I understand what has caused it and work on getting better, being happy, and spreading joy to those less fortunate. No matter how I feel, I know somebody has it worse off than I do right now so I will focus on that instead and go make my mom happy for today. She deserves to have a good Christmas and since I am the only family she has around her it’s my job to do that for her because if I don’t I will spend another Christmas being miserable and so will she. This is not an option, mom has a hard time with these days too so I will go spread some joy and cheer for her if nothing else.

Always find something that will pull out of that rut you feel yourself in, find even something small to give you peace long enough to get up and clean up, after that it should be smooth sailing. Self care is important to your emotional health because your worth it.


Published by Ms Kiim

I have had a hard life and been through some tough experiences. I have a lot of information to share when it comes to domestic violence and abuse of every kind, the cycle of abuse is a horrible place to live and I hope to empower women so they have a chance to break free and change the quality of life for themself and the children.

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