Love Fear And Hope
Domestic violence seems to have developed a “general” meaning that most people would rather not pay any attention to what it consists of. It’s more than a man hitting his wife, this has taken on a whole new demon these days and the evil it has attached to it. The cycle of Power and Control and the person’s need to take over another’s life, no matter the cost to the victim, is insanity. If you have never lived with an abuser you have no idea of the chaotic mess they actually make of everything in your life and the things they will do to get what they want. Textbook says nothing about how “gaslighting” is a real thing that really does make you crazy after a while because all you want to do is kill your abuser, they push you to do it while making it look like your the crazy one when it’s not the way it seems at all but you have no way to prove it. People from the outside looking in see that you are the one who is out of control and that’s when the abusive person will interject a comment like “she’s been drinking too much” or tell them your addicted to drugs when in fact they didn’t see the last 30 minutes when he had you trapped in the bathroom antagonizing you and laughing because you don’t have enough strength to move the 260 pound man out of your way so you have no chance of getting away. After getting you all worked up he calmly says to you,” look at you, your fucking crazy”
This is an attack on the emotions and feelings that we inherently have been given by God, it’s almost the same as knowing the difference between right and wrong, automatic response. Now think about this, these women that go through abuse many years of their life and their children see all of it. What do you think this does to a child who has to sit and watch because they are too small to do anything? The psychological aspects tied in make it possible that this kid will grow up to be an abusive person in his or her future, or it could go the other way too, where the kid becomes somebody who tries to help everyone and suffers because people take advantage of someone trying to be nice. I know from personal experience that the feeling of security never exists, I believe it comes from a couple different places but that’s to be worked out in therapy.
These children are suffering having to be subject to an abusive person in the home and Child Protective Services doesn’t help at all, if you can get their attention at all about the real story behind the black eye mom has, or pay attention to a child when mentioning sex of any kind. Nobody pays attention to the child in the room when domestic violence is brought up mainly because the woman is the one needing to be listened to and believed in order to get the resources necessary to help her and her child get to safety. The child is the main focus when it comes to the reason to get away from the abuse, you have to protect your children.
I have also seen where Child Protective Services come and take the child or she has to turn the child over to the abuser because now she is unstable and can’t provide stable housing for her and her child. This is another personal experience of mine where he manipulated the court saying I was drinking and sleeping on other people’s couches with my son Aaron, all of it was a lie because I had my own place after staying at Tessa, the Domestic Violence Safe House in Colorado Springs but they believed him and left me with no choice. It was either that or go to jail for disobeying a court order and I was not going to set myself in jail where it’s impossible to do any movement forward. After many years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse it is extremely hard to know what to do or where to start because I know my thought process was messed up and it took a lot of therapy to get even some of it sorted out enough to move off the floor some days.
It’s disturbing to know that half of the kids that see abuse will grow up to be abusive to others because it’s what they see every day while they grow up and it could become learned behavior. The girls may grow up to think that a normal relationship consists of name calling or regular beatings to keep her in line and sadly this is not that far fetched and does happen.
Child Victims of domestic violence grow up never knowing what it feels like to completely trust in anyone, never knowing what security feels like and will have problems in the future with anxiety because of the inability to relax because you bever know if you’re safe. Many of these kids suffer at school and don’t get the education necessary to become part of the working society so they become gang members or turn to drugs and alcohol, the girls may become prostitutes or disappear in the sex trafficking network if they have no self value. I have seen this too.
There needs to be more resources put in place for these women with their children, right now there are little to none for anyone seeking help away from the cycle of Power and Control. It appears as if there are many community resources for battered women but I have found out none really do anything to help and are usually forced to go back to the abuser. This again makes it look as if it’s the woman’s fault for always going back, it’s a no win situation and you do your best not to give up.
As a person who advocates for women and children because of my own personal experiences, let me say this………
- If you see anyone being abusive to another person, first look to see if there is a child in close proximity watching what’s going on and get them away if you can before you try to help the situation.
- Always try to help anyone who says they need help getting away for whatever reason if you know she has kids.
- Never doubt a child who says they are being abused.
- Raise awareness to help the families to heal.
- If you see something, say something! Don’t ever just walk away.
If you support this issue, you can help me make a difference by making a donation to my charity. The money goes into buying arts and crafts for the kids and support for therapy.
Love Fear and Hope
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