Pushing Through

I was looking for a place to live because at 51 living with your mother is not high on the list of “I want to…” if you know what I mean and we had been being harrassed by the lady who manages the lot. She believes that if she says something and calls it true it is, it is not. She is the type of person who makes things up and makes the other person look like an ass while getting others to believe it, she is quite talented at it too. Then we have the neighbor lady living across the street who is my mother’s friend, she told my mom to make a schedule for me and give me times I am allowed to come over and times I am not allowed to come over. Can someone stay out of my mother’s decision making when it comes to how she treats me? Luckily when I walk my mom step by step to see the real truths she can see clearly and pushes back, it is her life and these people need to stop influencing how she is going to spend her time at home. I am also including my sister in this one because she tells mom to just listen and do what they say. She isn’t here to see what’s really going on so she has no say either. I don’t think I am wrong on this.

I came out here to heal and put my life back together after getting out of the hospital from being burned alive. I am physically healed for the most part but my emotional and mental health is not doing real well yet, I am looking for therapy now only because I notice some things about the trauma I don’t know how to fix so I need help to learn how to modify those things to be able to function again. Having PTSD is one of the more difficult mental health disorders I have had to handle because I never know what is going to set me off, I already don’t take any bullshit from anybody and I make it known I won’t play anyone’s game either, basically saying I’m a bitch already. I have come a long way since I first arrived but I am not where I need to be in order to get to where I’m going. I can’t do anyone any good if I don’t put me back together first.

I have not had the opportunity to get a job because of my condition as well, it actually got up to 120 degrees during the summer months here in Arizona. I was unaware that it actually reached those numbers anywhere on the planet. I had no option but to stay in the house not being able to handle outside heat at those kinds of numbers. I am used to being on my bicycle most of the time during the day no matter the time of year so not being able to get outside has also made me a little more out of shape than I realized and at my age it is taking a lot more work to drop the weight and get back in shape than it used to.

I had gone to the Circle K one early morning to get donuts for mom when a person named Daryl Wilson approached me. He said how he needed some help and was looking for a live in person to assist with his medical needs. He lives at 2200 East Yuma in Apache Junction, ( Jacobs Ranch ) I was interested so I asked some questions and found him shady already. Having dealt with abusers most of my life , it surprises me that I still am put in positions I have deal with these idiots. I took his number and said I would stop by to chat. I could see he honestly needed help, I still had some hesitation but went ahead and moved in with all things considered.

It took only a few days before his true colors shown through, the sexual comments started by asking me if I was faithful to my boyfriend. Plus this guy wouldn’t let me bring any of my things in the house. He made me keep it all outside until I could go through everything piece by piece to check for bugs. It wasn’t long at all for me to see he is an abuser. One of those people who refuse to give you your property while telling everyone you stole his shit and then he ends up with everything you own and your made out to be a thief to the community. Beautiful right?

These things are the RED FLAGS I talk about and how the breakdown of character happens over time, all abusers have the same behaviors which in turn keeps the victim living in the same shit no matter the change of partners.

I did get my property back by going to the court and to the police station to get a standby. The look on his face when the two officers approached him was great, he had the garage door open and was in the front yard. He turned white as a ghost and had to find the chair to sit down. It took me all night to move everything but I got it done. I was so proud of myself.

In order to get through today and tomorrow I have to constantly keep reminding myself I have great things to accomplish and I have to keep moving forward being careful to make good decisions. I really just want to set everything that is tainted on fire but know that is not possible. Soon God will come and I hope, reset all the bad stuff.

Until next time take special notice of things that are out of the ordinary and seem questionable, if you see someone who needs help, help them without wanting anything in return. If you can’t help say something to a person you know will help.

BE WELL!

Ms Kiim

Published by Ms Kiim

I have had a hard life and been through some tough experiences. I have a lot of information to share when it comes to domestic violence and abuse of every kind, the cycle of abuse is a horrible place to live and I hope to empower women so they have a chance to break free and change the quality of life for themself and the children.

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